The Single Solution to Relational Challenges

 

“With or Without You … I can’t Live With or Without You”

An old band from the ’80s named U2 famously sang these words from The Joshua Tree album while on tour in Japan in 2019.

A Love Song Asking Big Picture Questions

Apparently, “With or without you” was intended by Bono to be a love song about a relationship and life.

1. Can I live with (insert name here)?
2. Can I live without (insert name here)?
3. How should I live in (insert your challenging situation)?
If we thought about these 3 relationship-focused questions, could we answer them?

Whether or not we can put our finger on those big picture questions, specific solutions to major life questions can be hard to grasp without the bible.
Questions about relationships, status, money, freedom, different races, and customs were all top of mind for the Corinthians.

In 1 Corinthians 7:8-24, they were facing all kinds of challenges causing them to question many things.

Photo by Nicolai Krämer on Unsplash

Mountains of Relational Matters

A seemingly unpassable mountain of matters, perilous peaks of problems; verses 8-24 reveal nine different matters altogether.

Five relational matters, two ethnic matters, and two socio-economic matters.

And usually, where problems abound, questions arise.

Questions about what to do.
Questions about which approach to take.
How would they live through these difficulties?
Who could they ask for advice?

Surely, questions loom before us when we face real-life challenges as well.

The Single Summit Solution that Answers Every Question Well

The Corinthians may have wondered:

• Can I live with a non-believing spouse?
• A single man asks, can I live in Corinth without falling into sexual temptation?
• Should I get married?
• With or without you?

We don’t actually know the Corinthians’ exact questions, but we do know that Paul wrote answers inspired by God that would reveal the single summit solution for every question.  

Both theirs and ours.  

Temple Temptations

The Corinthians needed help.  It’s estimated that the temple temptations came calling to the tune of one thousand temple prostitutes every night on the streets of Corinth.

In their wisdom, the Corinthians were attempting to re-engineer God’s good design for sexual intimacy between a husband and wife in the bonds of marriage to combat this depraved culture.  
They were saying, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 1 Corinthians 7:1

So in chapter 7,  Paul was most likely expounding on marriage and the goodness of sexual intimacy in marriage in response to the Corinthian church’s radically misguided response to an obscene culture.

Let’s think about lovemaking in marriage for a moment.  Lovemaking has been called “a soul-knitting intimacy that deepens with time.” says pastor Garrett Kell.   In marriage, lovemaking was meant to paint a landscape climbing way beyond peaks of physical pleasure. Lovemaking in marriage is a picture of commitment, endurance, and an unending relationship between Jesus and his bride, the church.

The goal of sex isn’t ultimately just enjoying your spouse, but it is enjoying God as the giver of good gifts. There is no need for lovemaking in heaven becuase our pleasure and delight in God will soar to the ultimate heights of intimacy.   Christians are the bride of Chirst, the wife of the lamb. The ultimate marriage is yet to come!  Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; Revelation 19:7

Loads of Questions: One Single Solution

Yet, the Corinthians still had questions about:
• marriage between Christians,

• marriage with a non-believing spouse,

• children from that marriage,

• separation,

• divorce,

• being brought back together, and so on.

Questions about racial divisions, complete with customs.
Did they belong to this group or that group?
Did they have the marks to prove it?

Questions about slaves…status…money…freedom.
Yet, in all of their questions, God led the Corinthians to the single summit solution that Paul writes in a handful of ways.

We won’t have time to scale all 9 problems today, but we’ll look at that single summit solution for the Corinthians and us.

Photo by Kei Scampa

At the base camp of relational matters, stormy winds were howling.
Paul was teaching them through the bible as follows:

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ
2 Corinthians 10:5

He did this by teaching the safety of a single sexual partner only in marriage for those burning with sexual desire.

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:2

He said:

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

2 Corinthians 10:5

The Ledge of Lunacy

To the culture of Corinth celebrating sexual sin, Paul’s teaching was like jumping off a ledge of lunacy.

But, we may want to resolve the question of authority in our text today, because Paul spoke in two very different ways in this passage.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

1 Corinthians 7:10-12

In verse 10, he says (“not I, but the Lord) and then in verse 12 he says (I, not the Lord).  
What’s going on here?   Is verse 12 not as important or inspired by God since Paul says (I, not the Lord)?  We know that:

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

2 Tim. 3:16

So, there can’t be a difference in authority.
Pastor John McCarthur makes the point that when Paul writes “I, not the Lord”, he’s just saying “I’m not quoting the Lord Jesus directly”.

So either way, the scriptures are always infallible and reliable. We can trust the entire Bible.

We see in these verses the specific answer to divorcing a non-believer.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

1 Corinthians 7:10-12

So we can trust what is written about a believer not divorcing a non-believer who is willing to live with him or her. Now, that’s easy to say, but challenging for a Christian husband to walk out every day.

Unequal Partnerships

Practically speaking, inequality is frustrating. In an unequal partnership, it’s hard to move in the same direction. On the surface, if you tried to put a really tall animal with a really short animal, or a big one with a small one, you’d frustratingly go around in circles. They’d be unequally yoked.

Paul points out a deeper difference, however; a separation between righteousness and lawlessness…
between light and darkness and asks what partnership and fellowship could result.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

2 Cor. 6:14

Christians are called to walk in the light.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

1 John 1:7

The word fellowship, koinonia, means to have Christ in common.

Non-believers are spiritually dead; walking in darkness. We know that because that’s what Christians were, everything about us, our very nature until Christ changed us.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

Ephesians 2:1-3

Recall, that Christians are called to walk in the light. How then do you walk in the light, when you’re intimately connected with darkness?
How can you glorify God in this situation?

Someone might say to a believing husband in this situation, brother you just need to:
• pray more,
• be a good example,
• and avoid grumbling or disputing with your wife. That should earn her respect.

Or for wives in this difficult situation, another might say remember, “your husband may be won to Christ without a word by your conduct.” This is good according to 1 Peter 3:1-2. But, winning without words takes much more than willpower! So what’s a believer to do in this situation?

Remain. Don’t run. Remain.
Live as you were called.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife whois an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should notdivorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14

So it’s not just for your wife and children’s sake, but for the One who loved the church and gave himself up for her.  

Consider what Jesus gave up to call us to himself.  To set us apart … to cleanse us … to present us to himself.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Looking at Christ’s love for us as the church: Can we say “no” and disconnect ourselves from our wives and our children?

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.

Proverbs 18:1

But, it’s actually much deeper than immediate family.  It’s way wider than what we want, think and feel.

The Single Summit Solution

To live as you were called is the single summit solution for all believers, for all of time. It’s the guide for all nine problems in verses 8-24.  So how do we follow this command to live as we were called?  

What about trying harder?

Trying harder—taking matters into our own hands—is like taking one step forward and two steps back. A lot of movement, but no lasting progress. It’s burdensome for a Christian. Here’s why. Self-effort is a path paved with good intentions, but truth be told, our sinfulness is beyond measure. It controls our very actions; pumping from a heart that the bible describes as deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (see Jeremiah 17:9)

Paul himself wrote:​

​For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.

Romans 7:15, 21-23

So what do we do?

We stop dead in our tracks of self-effort remembering that Christians died to the law through the body of Christ. We’re divorced from self-effort because we belong to another now. We can bear fruit that lasts, not by our own efforts, but only because we belong to Christ. God gave us a new heart to love others, including our enemies.

Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.

Romans 7:4-6

We release our inabilities to the one who hung on a tree.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

You can live as you were called because Christ cleansed you, Christ healed you, Christ called you. In marriage that means following Christ’s example by living towards your wife like bible teacher David Guzik suggests: “I am your head, so I must care for you and serve you.” That means following Christ’s example of love for his bride as the head of the church. Because we can’t love people the way Christ does in our own strength.

3 Words that Make a Marriage

Marrying a non-believer is such a critical situation that Paul even cautions widows about the importance of having Christ in common. Widows probably have some insight into marriage right? And yet Paul writes, A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39

The last 3 words in the Lord point the believers back again to the single summit solution for this and all of our challenging situations. The one word we spoke of as the single solution to all 9 matters.

Throughout the book of 1 Corinthians the words “called or call” are the same word kaleō in the original language. They’re used 16 times in 1 Corinthians. Eight of those are found in verses 8-24.

In the Lord we’re called to live as we are. Not as we want, think or feel we should.

The word called is emphasized again and again. Early on, Paul’s very first word in 1 Corinthians after his name was called. So what’s the single summit solution for each of these 9 problems?

Live as you were called

The husband should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. Remain in the condition to which you were called. Remain with God. It’s our calling.

So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.

1 Corinthians 7:24

What Does Living Out My Calling Look Like?

Surely God is against breaking up families. But, this call goes beyond flesh and blood family. To live as you were called means you are called to accept the benefits of salvation as a believer in Jesus Christ.

Benefits like pursuing fellowship, taking up your call to love God and love the people around you.

You may or may not affect your spouse’s situation through sharing the gospel and loving them. One thing is certain: you can embrace salvation in the kingdom of God through the gospel.

Keep God’s commandments by sharing the message of the cross as part of your calling. It’s what we’re all called to do…our assignment! This calling is a heavenly calling where eternal priorities trump earthly comforts like marriage.

For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. Mark 12:25

Did you catch that? There’s no need for husband and wife weddings when the bride and the bridegroom finally meet. You’ll see the bridegroom Jesus Christ face to face.
You will know him as you are known! That should cause us to stop in our tracks and admire the one who is calling you to heaven for eternity.

The assignment of your calling in Christ is permanent and powerful; constant through every season of life. The Lord has shared the benefits of salvation with you in Christ. He died for sinners and rose to life on the 3rd day.
He is your portion! He is your refuge!

I cry to you, O LORD; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”

Psalm 142:5

And again we see…
The LORD is my portion; I promise to keep your words. Psalm 119:57

God is calling all of us to live as we were called. During difficult life situations, God is calling us to abide, remain, stand and continue. To live as you were called.

An Urgent Call You Must Take

There’s an urgency to our calling.
An urgency to live as we were called.

If the time for believers coming salvation was short in the Corinthians day, how much more in our day? Paul reminded the Corinthians, the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, For the present form of this world is passing away. 1 Corinthians 7:31

Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed.

The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Romans 13:11-13

Throw Down Darkness

The root word of kaleō is keleuō means to command or order. We’re commanded to cast off the works of darkness. We live with urgency by prioritizing properly.

Have you ever noticed that some people tend to work on important things first? As Christians, are we like Matthew responding to Christ’s call with urgency by prioritizing properly as he did?

After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi, sitting at the tax booth. And he said to him, “Follow me.” And leaving everything, he rose and followed him.
Luke 5:27-28

We can’t do this apart from God’s grace.

We can take heart that we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. 1 Peter 1:4

Should I stay, should I go, with or without you? Every challenging question finds its answer in the grace given you in Christ Jesus to remain in him. So because of Christ, live as you were called.

Wayne